I consider it a true shame that two people who shared such an emotional, deep connection that links them in a kind of unparalleled way have to break it off entirely in order to get their lives moving. I understand why now, that's for sure. But I still think it's just a shame. It's an all-or-nothing game, love is. The formality and sacrifice of a label seems to be too much to handle, and I'm pretty sure I understood that before I allowed us to jump in. I never meant to put everything out on the line and relationships are terrifying; I was perfectly fine with taking it slow. But you never know until you try, right?
Makes love seem daunting and forces you to weigh your options. Such a high risk factor there. I feel like the black congressional candidate, but instead of the rent, I'm shouting "THE RISK IS TOO DAMN HIGH."
Human beings take the toll from a loss to be much more emotionally moving than the joy from a new gain. That's the exact reason why people hurt more after eschewing someone from their life than understanding the value and cherishing the idea of bringing someone new in. It's common nature.
Slow progress is progress, right? I'm allowing the writing and reading and exercise to nourish my brain. The second I think of relapsing and wishing for things that are not in my power to happen, I stop myself. If things were meant for us sometime in the future, then they will be. But I surely don't allow myself to rely or wish for that or dwell on the fact that I am alone.
Of course, right now I feel great because friends have helped and I can only ever comprehend moving forward if I analyze properly, but I am alright with where I am. I try to run from my thoughts every once in a while, but they seem to easily catch up to me, and then I'm out of breath once again.
