Earlier, maybe a few posts back, I wrote about my desire to experience timeless love. The kind that stays because the two have learned to be at a harmony with one another. They get over their differences and live in peace (most of the time), and life becomes a journey that's not alone, but always with the other by their side. Never an I, but a we. And it's present in the way they speak to others. The other is always placed effortlessly in their sentences about their future plans and their likes and dislikes. It requires time and energy and so much effort to keep in balance.
Well, I love young love. I love the mess. It may not be because of the simple idea that I am young, but I think it's intimidating and enticing in all the right ways. You learn in these small yet quick and incredibly shocking steps and then you are never, ever the same. I want young love, I want all of its complexities and misunderstandings and passion. I believe it's just as giving and caring as timeless love, because you don't know what to expect yet you still make it through. Somehow, you make it through.
I want to be held knowing that the other person is just as insane as I am about them. And I was. I was so in love and I don't ever look back with regret, unless I feel particularly angry. I love young love, and I love old love just the same. But he showed me love. That was just a grand gift. Through it, I loved myself even more than I had already managed, what with my change in attitude after my Worst Year. He was my first love, and I still love him just the same.
Is that bold?
No, it's the truth.
Reading has reshaped my way of thinking, I'm glad I have the time for it. Of course, you can "have the time" for anything if you make the time for it. But there was always something in life that would thwart my attempts on actually focusing on a novel.
John Green, in his poignant novel about love in all the right and wrong places, simply writes that "The world...is not a wish-granting factory." It's fucking not. The Fault in Our Stars was embellished in just the right way. I read in in 1.8 days, just like my old speed when I was completely engorged in a book. It was written with an almost intricate sort of ease. Cancer shouldn't take over you, it is a part of you and the struggles involved with it helped me see that my own was nothing compared to the realization that death is upon you. Of course not. My own struggle is a fraction of a sliver of that.
But it still showed me a positive way of viewing my experience that I think I've come to like.
Anyway, back to the reading.
