I am limited on my time this week. I can't say much, because work and school are basically eating me up. I woke up this morning at about 4 AM to re-study some physics basics for a test on momentum today. I am glad to say that I probably did poorly on it.
I am not sure of some things in my life as of now. It's all a blur to me, whooshing past like a subway train. It's nice to know that every once in a while someone will be there to care for me always, yet I am not sure of...what I really want. I have found myself to be a very convoluted, contorted person. My beliefs don't necessarily add up or align to my actions, and I feel unsafe half of the time in choosing the correct or most plausible direction to walk towards. In other words: I'm a freak.
It's not all so bad, I like to think. My unnatural ways have led some to the conclusion that I am appealing, and I support that wholeheartedly. It's just that they don't...truly know what they are in store for. When I look at myself in the mirror, I find this strong, independent girl staring back at me. Yet how much independence is simply too much? I wouldn't want to ever be drunk with power over my life, yet I don't want to have a scant sense of direction, either.
It confuses me like hell. Yet tonight is one of the evenings that occur in a blue moon, I would say. I am going to bed before midnight.
Is sleep really the cousin of death?
Sweet dreams.
