After two years of a hiatus, I've come to a realization that my life is slowing down again, and I am enjoying where things are headed; so just like clockwork, I needed a cleanse. Summer is just around the bend, the worst time for my sanity, as I have proven to myself years and years again, and I know writing will level my head.
Entering back into this void of my past is much like walking into that one room of the house you used to spend so much time in, but as you grew older, the dusty wooden frame of the bed and the beige curtains lose their prior meaning, and the room is stripped of its magical aura of childhood and becomes just that — a room. The old stanzas of the hurt poems and late-night ramblings bring me back to life in high school, but I've chosen a more refined way of life that dwells incredibly on the present.
We like to say everything matters so much, but when we look back five years, what do we really remember, besides the hurt? The amygdala is the part of our brain that centralizes the most poignant memories of fear and pain that we have faced, and forces us to perpetually remember them, causing the sweeter moments to be forgotten like a complicated calculus formula or a half day's trip to the beach. I want to train my mind to remember the good. I also want to train my mind to lucid dream, but that's a work in progress.
College life has been nothing but ultimate change; I love it. I've met every piece of the puzzle and every chocolate in the box. People never fail to surprise me, in more ways than one, and I find myself comprehending a full personality within minutes of meeting someone. A truly valuable trait. I choose to blog after such a long time because the social media sites fail to provide me with the right window to vouch my thoughts, and as far as I'm concerned, I don't really wish for anyone to see this. This, right here, is mainly for me.
A John Green quote came back to me while I was showering this evening, and I immediately thought of college. The perplexed square of a boy who admires a headstrong girl from afar, only to revel at her already perfect life and lose hope over his. Yet it's hope that should always stay, because it's all you ultimately have besides yourself. Avoir de l'espoir.
