A Colorless Frenzy -

my life in a nutshell, at the moment. It is a whirlwind of endless work and experiences, only to be muddled by the complexity of it all. Time to myself is what is cherished most. Sitting in solitude means a new opening into what matters to me, and no one else. Learning and accepting that one lives for his own life is what is substantial, the supposed "true" significance of existence. Don't put your trust in someone else only to be hurt in the end.

As morbid as it may seem, the underlying truth manifests itself through a slow, painstaking process. The ironic aspect is that one doesn't realize it until it is much too late, after anything can be done. When it is over, the grief passes and a lesson is learned. It has been referred to in the past. Humans are sick, selfish creatures. What hasn't exemplified this enough, if not Hollywood and literature? We live for ourselves, by ourselves, and with only ourselves. No other reasoning must be employed besides the obvious truth of human self-indulgence and in this case, adolescent instability and false hope.

I recently put this to the test, and came out with two seemingly opposite results. The empty, singular feeling remains, for it never fades away. Yet an even stronger emotion resides closer still, one of independence and freedom like no other. In the past, using another as a crutch to my mental sorrows and as a gateway to my wildest of emotions, I was deceived. It should never, and will never, occur again. I've grown stronger, and at times, I wish others could see. They might possibly interpret it as a fucking joke, or even a ridiculous way of experiencing things. Yet who are they to decide? It's my life.

So, kids, the moral of the story ultimately is: if you are not permanently stuck with the person for the rest of your life, your faith and morality lies only within you, and nobody else.

Live to never forget it.