Get Back in my Life

These days are passing by in a blur and I feel my teenage adolescence speeding away like a freight train with no final destination. Just looming in the distance, while others have some sort of goal, some place that they wish to be. While I, hazed by the gloominess of winter and loss of some valued relationships, am floating in the air. Free from troubles, yes. Yet I could say that I am searching for troubles. I need something to make me want my conscious to speak to me. To tell me: No. That's wrong. Yet what mischief can Rucha cause with just me, myself, and I?

I feel like my goal will appear some day. It has to, right? I mean, that's why we are here. To go on and overcome those fears, to endure great feats of mental and physical anguish, to spread our thoughts and feelings and...love to our surroundings. It should become clear eventually. I am just waiting on it to dawn on me.

I want to live for something. 

So, what do I want to "Get Back in my Life?" I have abso-toot-ley no idea. Désolé, mes chéries. Maybe one day, I will learn all about fulfilling dreams, and I will let you know.


On the less pessimistic and brighter side, I have quite an exciting event coming up. With one of my close friends I will be visiting NYC in less than a week. I simply love the city in the wintertime. I remember as a child I went there with my parents and all I could remember was ice-skating near the Rockefeller tree and having frost-bitten fingers and toes. It was quite the night. 

The city gives me some sort of hope, and like Alicia says..."A concrete jungle where dreams are made of." Is my dream nestled in New York? I am trying to figure that, and several other things out these days. Hopefully my long To-Do list will be all checked off by this summer, at least. 


Then, I will have my Bucket List to finish. Joy!


Enjoy the festivities. ♥

Hey, Confusion. Why don't you come around?

So, I feel hurt and just plain old down in the dumps today. Is that even a regular saying anymore? The day started off unexpected, for I had a plan to go into the city with an old friend. Yet now I sit here, alone, and wonder what that girl is exactly thinking and going through at this moment.

The story goes as follows: I have a friend, let's call her Geraldine. Now, Geraldine came here from a foreign country. She does not live with her parents, yet lives with her Aunt, and her husband, accompanied by her other cousins, who are in the same situation as she is in. They have come to America to study and go to college, to basically start a different life. She has far less privileges than your average American teenager, for I guess she is trying to prove herself, to both her parents, as well as her Aunt, and even herself.

What I don't understand is: when she is faced with a problem in which she wishes to do something for herself, in other words, to have some freedom, why doesn't she fight for it? Geraldine, for lack of better words, "loves" to work. Schoolwork, community service, church labor, about any work that a teenager could partake in. Hell, she would get a job, that is, if she could.

She never has time for herself. Absolutely never, ever. Don't even ask her! This, my friends, is my best bud. My "BFFL." Tell me now, do you see something wrong with this?

She needs help, preferably some sort of therapeutic relaxation from the everyday life of a high school junior. She also needs to be able to sense that freedom and a break is necessary to actually live. You are a teenager, goddamn it. Please just realize this, for the sake of those who actually wish to see you every once in a while. You know, to check if you're alive or not...

It just hit me that I am currently obsessed with the so-called pop phenomenon Bruno Mars. If anyone has heard of this guy, please just look him up. Far beyond your average pop garbage these days, and an actual down-to-earth, talented kid. Not to mention quite adorable.

I've just been living on the edge the past few months since school has started. You ever feel like everything you live for is just focused on this one single thing and there's nothing you can do but fight for it? No compromising, no loopholes in that contract called life. Just live and make the best of what you are given.

Currently reading: Brave New World. By Aldous Huxley. Damn good book, with loads of 1) insight and 2) allusions. My two favorite things!

If I had gone to the city: ramen would be the first thing I would have eaten. Simply scrumptious, a Japanese delight, obviously involving noodles and a spicy broth. Plus many other appetizing things...

Time to do what I do best. Sit on my ass and watch old re-runs of That 70's Show, with leftover turkey and a warm fireplace.

Have a wonderful night.

It just has never occurred to me that it can get so cold at 5 AM. Last night was an all-nighter and I'm not going to lie: it felt kind of good to be nocturnal after a while. Do you ever get that feeling? Like you are at par with those creatures of the night?
I am just glad that a long weekend is coming up, and the teachers are actually proving themselves to have warm hearts. I hope that they go through with the "less homework during thanksgiving break" rant they've been waving in our faces for the past few weeks.
I am contemplating whether or not I should visit NYC next week, or not. I would love to have a one day excursion with some friends, and I feel like I deserved it, what after all of this back-breaking work. Haha.
Back to it, I guess.